crimes that are incredibly easy to get away with

this is a metaphor

if you are anything like me then it is likely that yr moral compass is long gone, either you disassembled it piece by piece, individually separated all of the atoms, and collided them into antimatter particles thus removing them from existence, or the metaphorical earth-analogue to the compass underwent that weird shit where the two poles switch their magnetism so the compass now points in the wrong direction, or you went blind and can no longer see where the needle is pointing, or you lifted the glass cover and took the needle and stabbed someone's eyes with it and then took all their money

in any case now that you are liberated from the oppressive shackles of 'law' and more importantly 'morality' you're free to do whatever shit you want to no matter how illegal immoral or socially stigmatized it is. if you are wondering what to do with your newfound superpowers then you are no longer going to need to wonder what to do with your newfound superpowers because i am about to make some suggestions regarding what you can do with your newfound superpowers in terms of actions that can benefit your self-interest while simultaneously incurring a very low risk of being caught and handled by the authorities, that would be embarrassing wouldn't it? your psyche would be unclothéd and your lack of a compass will be revealed to all, oh and also you will probably be in jail with some big angry dudes, my only advice is don't drop the soap, unless you want to know what it feels like to have a needle in yr compass, if you know what i mean, (haha this takes the meaning of 'magnetism' to a whole new level, like electromagnetism, damn)

1. shoplifting

unlike lift shopping, which is a process by which any given individual enters a lift store (forklifts, elevators, etc) and legitimately acquires a lift by means of giving the owner of the shop money, shoplifting is a process by which any given individual enters a store (lift store, fork store, etc,) and illegitimately acquires a product (lift, fork, etc) by sneaking it out.

some stores have security 'cameras' but these are easy to deal with because you can just take an emp with you and disable them (let's for a moment pretend like you don't need a military license or whatever shit you need to carry an emp to carry an emp) or do it the old fashioned way and disconnect the cables manually

2. software piracy

install torrent client, download torrent, leech. done. no one will ever know. except you.

3. piracy

steal a ship, get a crew, pillage and plunder. done. no one will ever know. except you. and yr crew.

4. slander and libel

tell a lie about someone in a published work

you always will get away with this because no one will ever read anything you publish

5. forgery

some master forgers spend years learning how to duplicate the handwriting of others, however there is a much easier way to commit forgery, just kidnap the person whose signature you want to forge and force them at gunpoint to sign. you will probably get in trouble for the kidnapping but if you can get past that point it's virtually impossible to get caught for the forgery itself

6. writing this post

i am closer to dying than i've ever been. every second is a second i'll never get back. spending my time on this is a crime i should be doing something else

brb gonna go have a mind-bendingly awesome experience

p.s. does anyone have any idea how to rephrase the title of this post so that it doesn't end in a preposition. i've been thinking about it for days on end, my eyes are red and itching for sleep, because i have been thinking about it instead of sleeping, i don't think it's "crimes with which it is incredibly easy to get away" because then the word 'it' has no antecedent, fuck