that is the sound of the trumpets of triumph
the magnificent bells of victory
the celebration guns, whose shots are clean, straight and true
the marching band of the ages, parading through the streets of the internet, heralding the arrival of their one and only king
a king timeless, wise, and just in rule
a king possessing comedic wit sharper than that of the tooth of a shark (sharks have p. sharp teeth in case you didn't know)
a king bearing a visage more handsome than that of any given handsome fellow
that man is of course me,
to you it may seem as if i have been gone a mere nine days but this is in fact not the case actually the truth behind my absence may 'blow yr mind' so get ready for this
i took a vacation... to the future, yes i was really gone for nine years not days so let me tell you a bit about my visit
the first thing you should know about the future is that the pyramids of giza are upside down, when i first read the newspaper in the future (called "the fututarian") i saw a picture of them and asked the nearest stranger why the hell the pyramids were upside down, her answer was (will be, i guess?) that they were always upside down. as soon as i heard her say this i panicked a little and thought that i had landed myself in an orwellian dystopia
i mean for all i know they tortured and brainwashed me and put me in a cell and i am deluding myself out of my horrible existence by pretending to write blog posts in the past
oh my god am i still in the future i don't remember returning to the past, er, the present
fuck
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