ambiguity

here is a list of 11 sayings. try and "guess" which ones are ancient and revered buddhist proverbs and which ones are pretentious bullshit with which i came up myself

(that sentence ended with "i came up myself" lol)

1. your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts

2. things are not what they appear to be; nor are they otherwise

3. happiness does not come from having much but from being attached to little

4. fall asleep as a man, dream as a child, and awaken enlightened

5. although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision

6. sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself

7. a snake hisses at a tree; centuries later the snake is dust and the tree still stands

8. not the wind, not the flag, but the mind is moving

9. life is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink

10. to sit and think is meditation, to sit in thought is enlightenment

11. we are nothing but water, sand, and a few afterthoughts

highlight the space below for the answers

authentic buddhist sayings are 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9

pretentious bullshit is 4, 7, 10, 11

magnets

not a real object

i am pretty sure - no, scratch that. i am fairly certain that magnets aren't real. they exert force at a distance without a goddamn power source for fuck's sake. here are some other things that share this ability:

- wizards

wizards are often seen in fictional media remotely manipulating objects with their wands or other magical (and revolutionary) devices (at unbelievable prices)

- telekinesis

whether it's bending spoons or stopping bullets or controlling water/fire/etc the word 'telekinesis' itself literally means "motion at a distance"

- jedi knights

jedi can use the force to move objects and also to shoot lightning bolts and gain foresight. yoda used the force to pull an x-wing out of the swamp and he doesn't need batteries not even the little tiny ones. well actually if i remember correctly in the movie yoda looks worn out after he does that but he's probably just acting so he seems modest to luke. yoda is just not the kind of douchebag that pulls a plane out of a bog and then does a couple somersaults, "look at me i'm older than the goddamn solar system and i don't get tired doing something you're not even capable of." and in any case when the good guys are having the epic jedi duels with the bad guys they are constantly flinging rocks doors debris etc at each other with the force (because they're too cowardly/lazy to fight each other with their yknow lightsabers) and that doesn't seem to exert them at all

i can discern two commonalities among the three things i listed above, the first is that they can all exert force at a distance and the second is that none of them are real. excuse me i'm about to cause every dead statistician to perform proverbial acrobatics in their graves but i'm going to go out on a metaphorical limb here and assert that these two attributes are causally linked somehow. so the only conclusion is that since magnets can also apply force at a distance, they must also not be real

ok great this post probably is going to fuck up the stock markets because now that i have exposed this secret all the magnet making companies are going to go out of business. and as any scrub who has been paying attention to the news can tell you magnets are basically the lynchpin of the global economy. you could say that the magnet business is holding the markets together because it causes an attractive force among corporations and customers

oh god someone kill me now before i cause another catastrophe

money, etc

hella cash yo

society "revolves" about the acquisition and disposition of money which is strange if you think about it because money is just ugly little strips of paper, actually most of the world's money supply (something like 80%) is virtual, it's just data in machines it's not even real. we think we like to pretend as kids when we fuck around with toy soldiers and dolls but it's really the fat cats in wall street who are doing the high-power pretending, moving around imaginary money from person to person. those douchebags take the fun out of everything

say what you want about capitalism, it's true that it brought about countless inventions that make our collective daily lives better and at its essence celebrates the ingenuity of the human species but i think it's ultimately going to bring about our demise because it's the ultimate source of extrinsic motivation. every time a promising young artist chooses to go into business or banking or whatever instead of what they want to do the future gets a little darker. you think i write this shit for fun? this website is my only source of income atm (LOL wow i'm fucked)

in any case the ability of money to influence human behavior is unparalleled and when you take into consideration the fact that money is an artificial abstraction it's p. astounding. also i'm sure you've seen something like this before

thermoneyter

so apparently money is analogous to heat. i guess this explains why girls find rich guys to be "hot"

but there is another implication behind this particular semiotic specimen. heat is a basic manifestation of energy, so this analogy equates money with energy, the lifeblood of the very universe itself. is that taking it a step too far? in the words of that weird dude from waking life, "it's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free."

what a depressing state of affairs,

join the revolution today! fight the power! burn all yr cash

i would if i had any

piglet squid

i found a hella rad animal. look at this shit

it's called a piglet squid, like a combination of a pig and a squid. but it doesn't resemble either a pig or a squid as much as a balloon with a nose and smiley face, and wavy gelatinous hair. just look at him

no matter what troubles he has he just floats on right along with that big smile on his face. if he's out of money or out of love or nothing's going his way. he'll just keep swimming

look at his goddamn nose.

i just want to tie this guy to a string and fill him with air and bring him along with me